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Squirrel Watching

Writer's picture: James GillamJames Gillam

If you happen to be a sports and animal lover, an interesting way to pass the time is to pair up animals with Olympic events. That is, if there were an animal Olympics - which would be an incredible watch, putting aside all the inevitable health and safety issues - which animals would take part in which event?


To not take the game seriously would be to randomly assign events to animals based on nothing more than careless indifference. A dolphin competing in the weightlifting, a giraffe sculling in the rowing. Amusing images but this only goes so far.


A more interesting approach, of course, would be to match animal characteristics, profiles and behaviours with the necessities of an Olympic event. And this wastes more time, as well.


So, surely the dolphin would compete in the swimming and the giraffe in the pole vault? A cheetah in the 100m and a hare in the boxing.


A slightly different approach to this game, specifically for lovers of dogs and rugby union, is to appoint a rugby union XV using a different breed of dog for each position. Who is the calm, tactical, clear-thinking one at fly-half? Who are the mad, pugnacious props? Perhaps there’s a clue in the name there!


Where this is leading, however, is some serious contemplation of a creature that we have observed more than any other in the last few years while living at Nutsford House.


The Grey Squirrel.


The squirrel is a multi-discipline athlete. They could probably take part in a variety of Olympic sports but perhaps, simply for their amazing agility, you’d have to name them in your gymnastics squad.


We had a lovely French visitor last summer who was adamant that we should be advertising “squirrel watching” as a marketing strategy to entice people to Nutsford House. And he is right, you can spend a very large amount of time watching squirrels in the garden.


Firstly, there are a lot of them. Rarely does a minute of gazing out of a window pass without seeing a squirrel rummaging around in the garden. I could not begin to imagine how many there are but they are definitely doing very well at Nutsford House and our surrounding area.


Secondly, their athletic agility is awesome to watch. When they chase each other through trees at high speed, leaping from branch to branch, that is high-level sporting activity.


But thirdly, and most controversially, whether we like it or not, squirrels are incredible to watch strategising their way onto (and sometimes into) the bird feeders. High-level sport is a combination of physicality and mental strategy, and squirrels are well-aware of this. Indeed, if chess were an Olympic sport, I would go so far as to say that a squirrel may have a good chance of a medal.


The sports pundit’s cliched metaphor that “it was a game of chess” is much over-used, but you do know what they mean. Some of the best sporting matches do unfold with one side making a move, the other responding and so on.


And as far as that insoluble battle between trying to feed the birds and not the squirrels goes, we are certainly engaged in a massive game of chess, one that has no beginning or end and one that we know we are destined to play for as long as we breathe. And I suspect the squirrels know this too.


When I was growing up, we played a lot of cricket in our back garden. On the very rare occasions I was allowed to bat, I never hit the ball in the air, of course, for fear of getting out. But my brother did. And this meant that the ball was forever going into our neighbour’s back garden. As the youngest of three, it usually fell to me to fetch it!


Our next door neighbour, I now realise, was also involved in a massive game of chess with his squirrels. But he was using a different playbook. His moves made nipping over the fence and fetching the cricket ball back a dangerous occupation. For he would sit in an upstairs window with an air rifle and his next move was always to fire!


At Nutsford House, we are in a more peaceful game of chess with the squirrels, but the consequence of this is that it is incredibly difficult to gain an advantage.


Our first move. We employed a baffle dome on the pole to prevent the squirrels climbing it to access the feeders.


But they simply jumped onto it from the floor and used it as a platform to make their feeding easier.


Our next move. We moved the feeders to a different location.


But they jumped from nearby bushes onto the feeders.


Our next move. We bought a new metal “squirrel resistant” feeder to house the nuts.


They ripped a hole in it.


Our next move. We bought a heavy duty cage to put around the seed feeder.


They ripped the lid off and were feeding from the top of it.


Our next move. We tied the lid down using garden wire so they couldn’t get in at the top.


They somehow still managed to get the lid off and squirrels were observed literally inside the bird feeder.


In October 2024, then,  it was very difficult to argue that the squirrels were not well ahead in this particular game of chess.


However, a potential game changer arrived in October in the form of a birthday present. An RSPB Squirrel Buster Nut and Nibble Feeder. The advertising goes like this : 


Outwit the squirrels! An adjustable, weight-activated mechanism inside this ingenious high-quality feeder instantly closes the feeding ports when 'someone' too heavy arrives.


And, tentatively, say it quietly for fear of squirrel spies overhearing … so far so good. The birds can feed on it, the squirrels cannot.


However, the outrageous assumption that it is even possible to outwit squirrels is one that I am certain the squirrels will not take lightly. Like any great chess player, they are thinking many moves ahead. And I, for one, will be very happy to observe what plans and strategies they unveil next to stay ahead in the game.


So, for the time being we have found a happy balance between feeding the birds and the squirrels. On a beautiful winter’s day, of which we have had a fair few recently, we are content to sit back, drink in hand, and engage in some pleasant squirrel watching!









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T Riley
T Riley
14 de jan.

In a challange to the squirrels, who are granted the privilege of playing with the white pieces I offer the spider monkey squadron. Noted for excellent manual dexterity, important in the handling of the knights, they are also powerful problem solvers. So intelligent are they that a version of AI, Spider Monkey Optimization, has been named after them.

The down side to this is that the match would have to played in Central or South America rainforest. But at least the squirrels would be at home in the trees.

Curtir

Nutsford House

Dulverton

TA22 9RT

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Photography by Mark Clinton Johnson

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